Atheist Quotes

“Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.”
–Thomas Jefferson

“Why should I allow that same God to tell me how to raise my kids, who had to drown His own?”
– Robert G. Ingersoll

“An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.”
– John Buchan

“Leave the matter of religion to the family altar, the church, and the private schools, supported entirely by private contributions. Keep the church and the state forever separated.”
– Ulysses S. Grant

“Creationists make it sound like a ‘theory’ is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.”
– Isaac Asimov

“In no instance have . . . the churches been guardians of the liberties of the people.”
– James Madison

“I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.”
– Richard Dawkins

“Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”
– Douglas Adams

“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”
– Stephen Roberts

“Since the Bible and the church are obviously mistaken in telling us where we came from, how can we trust them to tell us where we are going?”
– Anonymous

“We godless lack that certainty, and we know the world is a complex place that requires compromise and is not ruled by a moral force — virtue is subject to negotiation, and is found in working together with others to find mutually satisfactory solutions. Good is not absolute, it is an emergent property that arises from successful networks of individuals. It is also something that is measured by evidence: we look at the good that people do, not the promises that they make and never keep, or the lies that dovetail nicely into dogma. Competence is a virtue. Intent is meaningless without action.”

– PZ Myers

More Than Willing

Love Does Not Hurt

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Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.










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19 More Quotes

1.      You can never solve a problem on the level on which it was created. — Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

2.      You can never understand one language until you understand at least two. — Ronald Searle (1920- )

3.     You can only give what you have. If you don't love yourself, you can't love other people. — Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (1926-2004)

4.      You can out-distance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you. — Rwandan Proverb

5.      You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips. — Oliver Goldsmith (1730-1774)

6.      You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. — Anne Lamott (1954- )

7.      You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. — Naguib Mahfouz (1911-2006)

8.     You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. — Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

9.      You cannot lay bare your private soul and look at it... It is too disgusting. — Mark Twain (1835-1910)

10.  "I quite realized," said Columbus, / "That the earth was not a rhombus, / But I am a little annoyed / To find it an oblate spheroid." — E. Clerihew Bentley (1875-1956)

11.  "Susaddad!" exclaimed Ibsen, / "By dose is turdig cribson! / I'd better dot kiss you. / Atishoo! Atishoo!" — E. Clerihew Bentley (1875-1956)

12.  Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. — Hector D. Cantu (1961- ) and Carlos Castellanos in Baldo Cartoon Strip

13. Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep. — Carl Sandburg (1878-1967)

14. However richly inspired by love, marriage is a high-wire act that is usually attempted by two nervous wrecks who just go for it, reeling with bliss. The rest is work, faith and destiny which carries with it, as does everything from God, the possibility of plunging from great heights. — Richard Atcheson (1934-2006)

15. However subtly, if you pay for access to a book, it does affect the way you use that book. I suspect that this is nearly always true. I also suspect it is true of many library services besides the borrowing of books. — John Berry

16.  Human felicity is produced not so much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen, as by little advantages that occur every day. — Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

17. Censorship has never been known to stop with one book or category of book. Once the backing down begins, censorship spreads like a brush fire. — from Tennessee Librarian, Volume 22, p. 58

18. Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he does not wish to sign his work. — Anatole France (1844-1924)

19. Chances are, if you and a rabbit want the same thing [from your garden], the rabbit will get it. — Hortense Miller (1908-2008)

Getting Back Up Is Living

58 Random Quotes

1.     Once we're gone, others will walk through the boxes and try to figure out why we needed this, or laugh at why we needed that, or nod their heads and say: "Bless her heart, who would have thought." — Noah benShea

2.      Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat. — Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

3.     One and the same evil comes either from God, who is testing us, or from the devil, who is tempting us. — Denis Diderot (1713-1784) from The Nun

4.      One by one as you swung monkey-wise from branch to branch in the wood of make-believe you reached the tree of knowledge. Sometimes you swung back into the wood, as the unthinking may at a cross-road take a familiar path that no longer leads to home; or you perched ostentatiously on its boughs to please me, pretending you still belonged; soon you knew it only as the vanished wood, for it vanishes, if one needs to look for it. — J. M. Barre (1860-1937) in Peter Pan, a Dedication"

5.      One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind. — Malayan Proverb

6.      One can promise actions, but not feelings, for the latter are involuntary. He who promises to love forever or hate forever or be forever faithful to someone is promising something that is not in his power. — Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)

7.       One cannot look into other people's souls, everyone is a secret to others. However sympathetic we may find them, it is possible that they will be responsible for the most terrible disappointment. — Nikolaus Harnoncourt (1929- )

8.      One day's exposure to mountains is better than cartloads of books. See how willingly Nature poses herself upon photographers' plates. No earthly chemicals are so sensitive as those of the human soul. — John Muir (1838-1914)

9.     One does not, by knowing all the physical laws as we know them today, immediately obtain an understanding of anything much. — Richard Feynman (1918-1988)

10.  One good thing about snow—it makes your yard look as good as your neighbors! — Unknown

11. One has no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it. — George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

12.  One has to be a lowbrow, a bit of a murderer, to be a politician, ready and willing to see people sacrificed, slaughtered, for the sake of an idea, whether a good one or a bad one. — Henry Miller (1891-1980)

13. One holds his job by knowing how. One becomes boss by knowing why. — Perry Tanksley

14. One intelligent person doesn't go faster just because twenty fools are nipping at his heels. — Isaac Asimov (1920-1992) from "1-999" in The Union Club Mysteries

15.  One is happy as a result of one's own efforts once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness: simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self denial to a point, love of work, and above all, a clear conscience. — George Sand [pen name of Amantine Aurore Lucile Dupin] (1804-1876)

16.  One is not born a woman, one becomes a woman. — Simone de Beauvoir (1908-1986)

17. One kind word can warm three winter months. — Japanese Proverb

18.  One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. — Vincent van Gogh (1853-1890)

19. One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it. — Jean de La Fontaine (1621-1695)

20.  One must be drenched in words, literally soaked in them, to have the right ones form themselves into the proper patterns at the right moment. — Hart Crane (1899-1932)

21.  One must be drenched in words, literally soaked in them, to have the right ones form themselves into the proper patterns at the right moment. — Hart Crane (1899-1932)

22.  One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done. — Marie Curie (1867-1934)

23.  One of my favorite stories recently is about a Native American grandfather talking to his young grandson. He tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other wolf is fear, greed and hatred. "Which wolf will win, grandfather?" asks the young boy. "Whichever one I feed," is the reply. — Unknown

24.  One of the advantages of pleasure over pain is that for pleasure you can say 'stop'. — Ugo Ojetti (1871-1946)

25. One of the biggest problems with growing old is having all your friends die. Of course, so do your enemies. — Quoted by Esther Reedy

26. One of the deep secrets of Life is that all that is really worth the doing, is what we do for others. — Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832-1898)

27.  One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute. — William Feather (1889-1981)

28.  One of the great joys of being a librarian is that it is the last refuge of the renaissance person—everything you have ever read or learned or picked up is likely to come in handy. — GraceAnne DeCandido

29.  One of the greatest pleasures in life is friendship, and one of the pleasures of friendship is to have someone in whom to confide a secret. — Alessandro Manzoni (1785-1873)

30.  One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter. — James Earl Jones (1931- )

31. One of the important things about marriage is to be accepted. Love is the basis of marriage, but there are many married people who have never felt accepted. Marriage is not a reformatory, and spouses need to reach out to each other without criticism or reservations. To live with a wife or a husband who does not accept you is a dark valley to walk through. — Charles L. Allen (1913-2005) from Victory in the Valleys of Life

32. One of the keenest pleasures of civilized life is using a word exactly. — Peter Funk

33. One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. — Rita Mae Brown (1944- )

34.  One of the pleasures of reading old letters is the knowledge that they need no answer. — George Gordon, Lord Byron (1788-1824)

35.  One of the problems with trying to help underdogs, especially with government programs, is that they and everyone else start to think of themselves as underdogs, focusing on their problems rather than their opportunities. Thinking of themselves as underdogs can also dissipate their energies in resentments of others rather than spending that energy making the most of their own possibilities. — Thomas Sowell (1930- )

36. One of these days is none of these days. — English Proverb

37. One Russian to another: As long as their greatest minds are kept occupied trying to define pornography, we've still got a good chance! — Writers' Yearbook, 1967

38.  One should count each day a separate life. — Lucius Annaeus Seneca (c.1 BC-65 AD)

39. One's age should be tranquil, as childhood should be playful. Hard work at either extremity of life seems out of place. At midday the sun may burn, and men labor under it; but the morning and evening should be alike calm and cheerful. — Thomas Arnold (1795-1842)

40.  Only a fool would choose war over peace—for in peace sons bury their fathers and in war fathers their sons. — Herodotus (c.490-430 BC)

41. Only about ten to 25 percent of the people in any organization do the creative work. The others simply follow established routines. — Walter M. Carlson

42.  Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty. — Stephen King (1947- )

43. Only if we speculate on possible futures can we begin to define desirable goals. — Herbert N. Woodward (1911-2002)

44.  Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. — Internet Grafitti

45.  Only in government is any benefit, however small, considered to be worth any cost, however large. — Thomas Sowell (1930- )

46.  Only librarians like to search, everyone else likes to find. — Roy Tennant

47. Only love can be divided endlessly and still not diminish. — Anne Morrow Lindbergh (1906-2001)

48. Only one man understood me and he didn't understand me. — Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-1831)

49. Only the man who is below the average in economic ability desires equality; those who are conscious of superior ability desire freedom; and in the end superior ability has its way. — Will & Ariel Durant (1885-1981 & 1898-1981)

50.  Only the pure of heart can make good soup. — Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827)

51. Opinions are flexible prejudices. — Gerald Horton Bath

52. Opportunity dates men of action but marries men of patience. — Noah benShea

53.  Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. — Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

54. Other evils there are that may come... Yet it is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule. — J. R. R. Tolkien (1892-1973) in The Return of the King

55. Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be. — Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

56.  Our conscience is no defence against our sins. However, it unfortunately denies us the pleasure of enjoying them. — Salvador de Madariaga (1886-1978)

57.  Our greatest and most glorious achievement is to live as we should. Everything else such as ruling, amassing wealth and constructing are at most only adjuncts and props. — Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592)

58.  Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within. — Miquel de Cervantes (1547-1616)

Old Farmer's Advice

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jest happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm, 'cause the colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. 

About Faith

1.  "Commit your ways unto the Lord." But what good is a text like that when you are lying awake at midnight, and you have to decide for your whole life, and other people's too, whether it shall be yes or no? — Thomas Mann (1875-1955) from Buddenbrooks
2. "Faith" is a fine invention / For gentlemen who see — / But microscopes are prudent / In an emergency. — Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)
3. Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power. — Eric Hoffer (1902-1983)
4. All too often, people of faith like to enumerate the sins of other traditions while ignoring the stains on their own... But claiming that religion has only been evil is inaccurate. — Karen Armstrong (1944- ) in The Case for God
5. An old mountain man's prayer: "Lord, I don't ask for a faith that would move yonder mountain. I can take enough dynamite and move it, if it needs movin'. I pray, Lord, for enough faith to move me." — Norman Allen
6. Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the best of minds. Men and women live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies into which they never enter and with their hand on the doorlatch they die outside. — G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
7. Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see. — Max Clarke
8. Faith makes things possible, not easy. — Unknown
9. Faith which does not doubt is dead faith. — Miguel de Unamuno (1864-1936)
10. Faith: the unknowable promoted to the irrefutable. — Brooke McEldowney (1952- ) in 9 Chickweed Lane Cartoon
11.  Faithfulness is the art of committing adultery only with one's mind. — Décoly

50 Life Lessons

1. You’re stronger than you think you are.
2. Mistakes teach you important lessons.  Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.
3. There is nothing to hold you back except you.
4. You can press forward long after you can’t.  It’s a matter of wanting it bad enough.
5. No matter how much progress you make there will always be the people who insist that whatever you’re trying to do is impossible.
6. You are limited only by your own imagination. Let it fly.
7. Perception is reality.
8. Your instincts can be trusted.
9. There is only one question to ask yourself: “What would you do if you were not afraid?”
10. It’s often hard to tell just how close you are to success.
11. The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
12. Never let success get to your head, and never let failure get to your heart.
13. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.
14. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
15. Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do.
16. Laughter is the best medicine for stress.  Laugh at yourself often.
17. If you want to feel rich, just count all the great things you have that money can’t buy.
18. Forgiving yourself is far more important than getting others to forgive you.
19. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, you’ll often find that you’re right.
20. Be nice to yourself.
21. For the most part, it doesn’t matter what people think.  Follow your own truth.
22. No education is wasted. Drink in as many new experiences as you can.
23. Making one person smile can change the world.
24. Don’t forget to enjoy your journey!
25. You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have.
26. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
27. You cannot change what you refuse to confront.
28. Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak.  It doesn’t always solve your problems either.
29. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
30. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
31. You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.
32. Give up worrying about what others think of you.
33. When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
34. You have to accept that some things will never be yours, and learn to appreciate the things that are only yours.
35. As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”
36. Don’t be afraid to move out of your comfort zone.  Some of your best life experiences and opportunities will transpire only after you dare to lose.
37. Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go.
38. You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work.  But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.
39. Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future for too long.  Right now is life.  Live it.
40. No matter how cautiously you choose your words, someone will always twist them around and misinterpret what you say.  Just say what you need to say.
41. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck.
42. If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  That’s how dreams are achieved.
43. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
44. What lies before us and behind us are tiny matters when compared to what lies within us.
45. Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.
46. It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance.
47. If it were easy everyone would do it.
48. Be vulnerable.
49. A problem is a chance for you to learn.
50. Regardless of the situation, life goes on.

Motivational Stuff

1. Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I will give you a man who will make history. Give me a man without a goal, and I will give you a stock clerk. ~J.C. Penny

2. Success…seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. ~Conrad Hilton

3. Intolerance of your present creates your future. ~Mike Murdock

4. When they back the ‘hearse’ up to the front door, they are not making a practice run. ~Van Crouch

5. I can, therefore I am. ~Simone Weil

6. I don’t believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be. ~Ken Venturi

7. I’ve worked too hard and too long to let anything stand in the way of my goals. I will not let my teammates down and I will not let myself down. ~Mia Hamm

8. If you can dream it, you can do it. ~Walt Disney

9. If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. ~Jim Rohn

10. It’s always too early to quit. ~Norman Vincent Peale

11. Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now. ~Denis Waitley

12. No matter how many goals you have achieved, you must set your sights on a higher one. ~Jessica Savitch

13. One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine who have only interests. ~Peter Marshall

14. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. ~Kyle Chandler

15. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other. ~Walter Elliot

16. Poverty was the greatest motivating factor in my life. ~Jimmy Dean

17. Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. ~Robert H. Schuller

18. Quality is not an act, it is a habit. ~Aristotle

19. Set your sights high, the higher the better. Expect the most wonderful things to happen, not in the future but right now. Realize that nothing is too good. Allow absolutely nothing to hamper you or hold you up in any way. ~Eileen Caddy

20. Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. ~Tony Robbins

21. Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned. ~Peter Marshall

22. The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself. ~Mark Caine

23. The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. ~Thomas Paine

24. The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large. ~Confucius

25. The wise does at once what the fool does at last. ~Baltasar Gracian

Another Set Of Random Quotes

“Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.” ~Henry David Thoreau


“‘What’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be, but put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” ~Letters to Juliet


“You can’t choose what stays and what fades away.” ~Florence + the Machine


“I love how I hear this song in my head when I think of her. I love how she makes me feel, like anything’s possible, or like life is worth it.” ~500 days of summer


“Have you ever noticed that when your mind is awakened or drawn to someone new, that person’s name suddenly pops up everywhere you go? My friend Sophie calls it coincidence, and Mr. Simpless, my parson friend, calls it Grace. He thinks that if one cares deeply about someone or something new one throws a kind of energy out into the world, and “fruitfulness” is drawn in.” ~Mary Ann Shaffer


“Writing down your thoughts is both necessary and harmful. It leads to eccentricity, narcissism, preserves what should be let go. On the other hand, these notes intensify the inner life, which, left unexpressed, slips through your fingers. If only I could find a better kind of journal, humbler, one that would preserve the same thoughts, the same flesh of life, which is worth saving.” ~Anna Kamienska


“To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.” ~Arundhati Roy


“An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


“You must not ever stop being whimsical. And you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life.” ~Mary Oliver

Another 33 Awesome George Carlin Quotes

1.     “No comment” is a comment.

2.     “One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

3.     And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “F*ck waffles.”

4.     As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

5.     Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

6.     Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

7.     Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

8.     Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

9.     “Meow” means “woof” in cat.

10. Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

11. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

12. I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

13. I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

14. Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!

15. The best thing about living at the water’s edge: You only have a--holes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.

16. The future will soon be a thing of the past.

17. The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

18. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

19. When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.

20. When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.

21. Whoever coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the asshole.

22. You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.

23. I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

24. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

25. I never f*cked a ten, but one night, I f*cked five twos.

26. I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.

27. Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

28. I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

29. I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

30. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.

31. I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

32. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

33. If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

Just Bob Marley

You may not be her first, her last, or her only.

                             She loved before she may love again.

                      But if she loves you now, what else matters?

                                She's not perfect, you aren't either,

                and the two of you may never be perfect together

        but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice,

                 and admit to being human and making mistakes, 

                   hold onto her and give her the most you can.

                           She may not be thinking about you

          every second of the day, but she will give you a part of

                       her that she knows you can break her heart.

                  So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze  

                           and don't expect more than she can give.

                             Smile when she made you happy, 

                    let her know when she makes you mad,

                        and miss her when she's not there. 

                                                                     

-Bob Marley.