Old Farmer's Advice

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jest happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm, 'cause the colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. 

Quotes Collection

1.      There is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just pray that it isnt a train.

2.      There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man

3.      There is not much to choose between a woman who deceives us for another, and a woman who deceives another for ourselves.

4.      There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have in charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst

5.      There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends

6.      There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

7.      Things are only impossible until they're not.

8.      Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be told that sorrows know how to swim

9.      To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler- and less trouble

10.  Truth is stranger than fiction; fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities, truth isn't

11.  Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

12.  Unless you can question your own beliefs, you have no place questioning the beliefs of others.

13.  Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

14.  We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

15.  What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

16.  In the first place God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards

17.  Incoming fire has the right of way.

18.  It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

19.  It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.

20.  It's better to be looked over, than overlooked

21.  It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It's the people who aren't.

22.  Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

23.  Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

24.  Most of our lives are about proving something, either to ourselves or to someone else.

25.  My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

26.  Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

27.  Friends, n.: People who borrow your books and set wet glasses on them. People who know you well, but like you anyway.

28.  Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

29.  Give the gift of love, and people think you're cheap. Give them a cheap bit of crap, and they love you for it. Go figure.

30.  God Bless America, where laws are passed to protect people from the legal system.

31.  Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

32.  Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

33.  If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

34.  If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

35.  If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.

36.  If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

37.  Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been working.

38.  Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

39.  Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.