Zany Zen Quotes

·         Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.  Do not walk beside me, either; just #$!@! off and leave me alone. 

·         The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

·         It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

·         Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

·         No one is listening until you make a mistake.

·         Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

·         Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

·         It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

·         It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

·         If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

·         Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

·         If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

·         Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

·         If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

·         If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

·         Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

·         The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

·         Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.